If bell hooks isn’t a name you recognize, it should be one you familiarize yourself with. (Personally, I enjoy and recommend this video by the creator Sisyphus55 as a good starting point: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2e3khpPyMg4.) Her cultural criticism and writings have contributed largely to a better understanding of feminism, intersectionality, the experience of being Black, and the ethics of love. One might have noticed by this point that bell hooks does not have her name capitalized. This is an intentional choice as she wants the focus to be on her ideas and not on herself as a person. So, let’s focus on her ideas.

Since I study philosophy and theology, I spend a lot of time thinking about and exploring the nuances of love. Which, on the surface, is a fun and light-hearted topic yet these explorations always naturally turn into time spent reading about and trying to understand death. So, I knew there would be a lot for me to learn within the pages of bell hook’s book All About Love when one of the first lines is her proclamation that, “Contemplating death has always been a subject that leads me back to love.” Love is an existential issue and it is not something that one should assume they understand by default but, rather, a topic that deserves to have a considerable amount of time spent working to better understand. Love consistently asks us to choose life and accept the vast amount of change that elicits growth.

A barrier, that hooks points out, to better knowing and practicing love is the confusion around what we mean when we use the term “love.” There is no concrete definition that is being used by society as a collective so we are often speaking of “love” unrealized that we are referring to different things. This failure in communication is keeping us from having productive discussions about the ethics of love. So let’s clarify: when bell hooks is speaking of love, she is defining it, largely based on definitions created by M. Scott Peck and Eric Fromm, as the will to nurture one’s own or another’s spiritual growth. Love, in the sense it is being used here, is active. She also notes, “To truly love we must learn to mix various ingredients— care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, as well as honest and open communication.” If the religious connotations of the word “spiritual” is a deterrent to you, it is not meant to be associated with the strict orthodoxy of the Church but rather the union of body, mind, and soul as an animating force. Many words can be used here to better make sense of what hooks is trying to elucidate. If the word “spiritual” does not resonate with you, I urge you to try experimenting with other words that you associate with the values you hold.

A line within All About Love, that moved me is, “All awakening to love is spiritual awakening.” It is something I have meditated on quite a bit with Valentine’s Day among us. The “Day of Love” has increasingly gained a bad reputation for its association with consumerism (think that box of chocolate that you are receiving and regifting or the teddy bear you end up putting in the back of your closet after a week) but this transactional love is not the love that hooks is encouraging. She goes as far as to include a quote from Eric Fromm that says, “The principle underlying capitalist society and the principle of love are incompatible.” Love, to hooks, will never be as superficial and careless as the corporations that profit from Valentine’s Day has tried to make it out to be.

What does it mean to act out an ethics of love that is grounded in spirituality? hooks argues that it is to move against fear, to be honest in communication, to dare to know others by allowing them to really know you, and to seek communion over struggles of power and domination. This is just the tip of the iceberg, All About Love is drenched in wisdom giving light to “capital L” Love. So, this Valentine’s Day pick up a copy of bell hook’s All About Love (or find the free pdf online), sit with the concept of love, reevaluate what society has taught you about love and if this is aligned with the ethics you would like to hold, then love others fully and unabashedly. Happy Valentine’s Day, Bulldogs!